iamaproductofme

Jokes-Tips-Advice Why is that when a group of kittens are born they are called a litter?
I don’t put them all in the bin, sometimes I keep one.

Jokes-Tips-Advice My girlfriend won two goldfish at the fair last night, so we decided to call them Thelma and Louise.
They will most probably be dead by the end of the week.

Jokes-Tips-Advice My girlfriend came running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. “There’s a huge spider in there!” She said.
“Thanks love, I’ll remember to knock first.” I replied.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I can’t really blame pandas for not mating with each other.
It must be weird doing it with someone who looks just like you.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I spilt some Mr Muscle Descaler last week and my pet snake slithered right through it.
I don’t have a pet snake anymore, more a big chubby worm 🙁

Jokes-Tips-Advice “My new boyfriends just like a panda”
“What – he eats, shoots & leaves?”
“No, he’s fat and sterile.”

Jokes-Tips-Advice I don’t know why the kids and wife were so upset.
I though naming our new dog ‘Emergency Food Supply’ was very appropriate.

Jokes-Tips-Advice With jobs thin on the ground, I took a risk and had a go at elephant poaching. There were some surprised faces when I turned up for work with a 2,000 gallon drum of boiling water and a 40-foot slotted spoon.