iamaproductofme

Jokes-Tips-Advice I saw this baby sheep covered in plastic.
Laminated.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I walked into the bedroom with a jar of honey.
“Oooh, Are you going to smear it all over my naked body?” asked my wife. “That’s a bit kinky!”
“Daft bint,” I thought, “I’m just going to use you as bait to try and get rid of that wasps nest.”

Jokes-Tips-Advice I went for a CAT scan earlier.
I’m now being prosecuted by the RSPCA and banned from the library for the misuse of their photocopier.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I had enough of my girlfriend and her sarcastic “bird” comments.
She would say things like, “You eat like a bird, you’re a birdbrain, etc”.
As I walked out she said “Where are you going to go?”
“Not sure, I’ll probably head south”.

Jokes-Tips-Advice A clown was killed at work today . . . freak accident!

Jokes-Tips-Advice Apparently the World’s most famous octopus died today.
I must be incredibly dim because I haven’t got a clue who the second most famous octopus is.

Jokes-Tips-Advice A man was walking down the street with a baby ape in his arms when a friend stopped him and asked what he was doing with the chimp. “I just bought this ape as a pet. We have no children;
so he’s going to live with us – just like one of the family.
He’ll eat at the same table with us. He’ll even sleep in the same bed with me and my wife.”
“But what about the smell?” the friend asked.
“Oh, he’ll just have to get used to it, the same way I did.

Jokes-Tips-Advice Give a dog a bone, and it’ll have fun for a week.
Teach a dog to bone….