Jokes-Tips-Advice After Heinze’s goal, Nigeria were always playing ketchup…

Jokes-Tips-Advice I have just had a bitter row with the missus.
She thinks Tetley’s is better than Boddingtons.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I don’t understand the huge fuss over Levi Roots’ Reggae Reggae sauce.
When I worked in McDonald’s, I added my own “jerk seasoning” to the burgers for years.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I rang my wife at work today and said, “Do you fancy going for a few drinks and something to eat after work?”
“Yes,” she said, “I would love to.”
I said, “Great, will you get a case of lager and three large pizzas, all the lads are coming round to play poker.”

Jokes-Tips-Advice I was just eating a packet of crisps and noticed a message on the back:
‘NOT TO BE SOLD SEPARATELY’
Who in their right mind would want to buy just one crisp?

Jokes-Tips-Advice Life is like a box of chocolates.
Sometimes you just end up with nuts in your mouth.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I always go up to girl in a club and whisper in her ear…
“I can touch the bottom of a Pringles can when erect.”
God bless snack size pots.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I saw a bloke yesterday collecting horse muck, so I asked him what It was for.
He said, “I’m putting It on my rhubarb.”
“That’s odd”, I replied, “I usually put custard on mine.”