Jokes-Tips-Advice My mate finally finished writing his book about cooking with herbs. It’s about thyme.

Jokes-Tips-Advice Following on from the discovery that it’s possible to go faster than the speed of light, scientists today found a temperature lower than Absolute Zero.
It was observed in a sausage roll from Greggs

Jokes-Tips-Advice I started chatting to this plump girl in a bar.
“Oh God,” she moaned, “you smell gorgeous. What is it?”
“Pies,” I said.

Jokes-Tips-Advice A man goes into a restaurant and asks, “Waiter, how do you prepare the chicken?”
“It’s nothing special,” he replies. “We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die!”

Jokes-Tips-Advice Walkers are set to launch their Comic Relief range of crisps in Korea, where ‘Jack Russell Howard’ is expected to be the favourite.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I just bought some large chips from McDonalds.
That should be enough to de-ice my driveway.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I don’t know what people like so much about Pot Noodles.
They’re too dry and crunchy.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I work as an inspector on these street stalls that sell fruit and veg, and one guy was still selling his fruit in pounds and ounces. “You do realise you have to go metric now” I said. He nodded “Look I’ll overlook it but you have to get these in kilos and grams by the next time time I come round” He nodded again. I thought I was being reasonable don’t you?
And lo and behold by the time I’d come round again a month later, he still hadn’t bothered to change
Which just proves it. You give them 2.54cm, they’ll take 0.914m