Jokes-Tips-Advice “What are you chewing?”
“Apple seeds.”
“What’s the point in that?”
“They make you more intelligent.”
“Oh. Could you give me a couple then?”
“Sure. One pound per seed.”
“Hmm. OK. I’ll take five.”
After chewing for a while …
“You know, I could buy a lot of apples for a fiver …”
“See? The seeds are working already.”

Jokes-Tips-Advice Walkers Crisps: Now with 50% less fat! … Does this mean they’ve reduced the contents to just 1?

Jokes-Tips-Advice My history teacher asked me who the Great Train Robbers are.
He wasn’t happy when I replied “National Rail – 3 pound 50 for a cheese sandwich”

Jokes-Tips-Advice I ate a whole bag a fortune cookies last night, so today’s been kind of crazy.

Jokes-Tips-Advice Because of the heat this summer, I’ve got a lot of bites on my legs…
Maybe I should stop pushing the kids out of the line for the ice cream van.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I just saw the KFC commercial where a man is surrounded by blacks, and looks scared. To put them in a good mood, he pulls out a bucket of fried chicken.
I see that whoever directs KFC commercials is a Sickipedian.

Jokes-Tips-Advice “We bread our chicken with the same utensils you use to eat it” KFC proudly proclaim in their most recent magazine ad.
Well their last ad suggested they’ve been licking their fingers so I’m sticking with Burger King.

Jokes-Tips-Advice “It makes such a lovely change when you do the cooking” said my wife, tucking in to her dinner tonight.
“Why, because it’s edible?” I replied.