Jokes-Tips-Advice I felt really awkward today when i rang a slag and it said “…….welcome to the virgin voice mail”

Jokes-Tips-Advice At work today this OAP costumer kept calling me duck… I thought to myself, if she calls me duck one more time I think I’m going to quack…

Jokes-Tips-Advice My wife left me today because of my obsession with twitter. There’s a lot more to it than that but unfortunately I’m about to run out of cha

Jokes-Tips-Advice Facebook – for hideous, fat, ugly women to deceive lads into thinking they look human.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I’m not saying the guy from the BT adverts is creepy, but I’m expecting in the next one for him to turn around and say “Let me shave your legs and lick you while you sleep”

Jokes-Tips-Advice I always finish my text messages with a kiss.
The lads down at the pub never seem to approve of their wet cheeks, though.

Jokes-Tips-Advice Mobile Phone? Hopelessly old-fashioned ..
I went over to telepathy several years ago.

Jokes-Tips-Advice My phone has been ringing off the hook.
I should probably get that fixed.