Jokes-Tips-Advice I bet the wife that she couldn’t make herself some underwear out of sweets.
Fair play though, she’s worked out a way to do it… Smartie pants.

Jokes-Tips-Advice Just ate a tank of helium.
That didn’t go down well.

Jokes-Tips-Advice “I’ll have a ham and anchovy pizza, please, but go easy on the anchovies.”
“I’m sorry, sir. Our anchovies are already dead.”

Jokes-Tips-Advice We had an Indian take-away delivered last night, Now the fridge stinks of curry.
I guess we should dump the body before they start looking for their driver.

Jokes-Tips-Advice My wife’s affair is driving me to drink.
Her boyfriend is giving me a lift to the pub.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I had a Picnic with the wife and kids earlier.
Times are hard when you have to share a chocolate bar between five people.

Jokes-Tips-Advice Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut, Terry’s Chocolate Orange, Strawberry Cheese Cake, Lemon Sherberts and Onion Rings.
Americans just love getting their 5 a day.

Jokes-Tips-Advice Dear Captain Birdseye,
Your Chicken Curry is really nice; when will you be putting Chicken in it?
Regards.