Jokes-Tips-Advice I came home from work and my wife put dinner on the table, and i said “What, was the dog not hungry?”

Jokes-Tips-Advice I tied all of my spaghetti together whilst I was drunk last night.
Ended up skipping dinner.

Jokes-Tips-Advice Of all the nuts out there, pistachios are by far the worst behaved.
They all come from broken homes.

Jokes-Tips-Advice What’s the difference between women and whisky?
Whisky carries on getting tastier after it’s 14 years old.

Jokes-Tips-Advice Walkers Light Crisps
does this mean they’ve replaced the air with helium?

Jokes-Tips-Advice I’ve made a conscious decision to stop eating meat.
Yup, from now on I’m only going to eat McDonald’s.

Jokes-Tips-Advice Walker’s crisp factory could save loads of money on packaging, by using smaller bags for their individually packed crisps.

Jokes-Tips-Advice My area got flooded by a fizzy beverage
I’m sad to say, i was schwept away