Jokes-Tips-Advice To offend any wine tasters and wine experts, refer to wine as “grape cider”.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I just saw a dreadlocked man rolling a joint of spaghetti.
Think he was a Pastafarian.

Jokes-Tips-Advice A man saw a sign in the window of a restaurant that read “Exotic Breakfast” so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted.
“What’s your Exotic Breakfast?” he asked.
“Baked tongue of chicken!” she proudly replied.
“Baked tongue of chicken? Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken’s mouth!” he fumed.
Undaunted, the waitress asked, “What would you prefer, then?”
“Just bring me some scrambled eggs,” he replied.

Jokes-Tips-Advice My mates just given me a packet of Ultravox crisps.
They taste like ‘nothing to me’

Jokes-Tips-Advice The other day my mate said to me, “If I was a McDonald’s meal, which one would I be?”
So I stopped and thought for a little while and replied, “A Fillet-O-Fish: you’re always there but no one really likes you.”

Jokes-Tips-Advice Can anyone help me?
The wife’s away for the weekend, and she told me that if I got hungry just to put something in the oven.
My shoes have been in there for two hours now and I’m still starving.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I was in McDonald’s yesterday when this big bloke who must have been about 7ft walked in and asked for a cheeseburger.
I thought to myself, “That’s a tall order.”

Jokes-Tips-Advice Cheese in cheesecake?
Cream in cream crackers?
What’s next? Meat in Tesco Value sausages?