Jokes-Tips-Advice Carlsberg don’t do world records,
Its Guinness.

Jokes-Tips-Advice Do you think emo kids ever order happy meals in McDonald’s?

Jokes-Tips-Advice I went to a restaurant the other night and outside they had a sign saying: “No dogs allowed apart from seeing eye dogs”
I couldn’t help but wonder; Is that for the dog or for the blind person to read!?

Jokes-Tips-Advice Do you ever find that when looking after toddler, you have the same conversations as when looking after your drunk friend after a night out?
1. Whats wrong dude, why are you crying?
2. What is he saying? I dunno, what are you saying?
3. Are you hungry? Do you think he wants to eat?
4. Come on, try to walk…he can’t walk
5. Oh my god he threw up
6. Why is he naked? Who took his clothes off, did you take your clothes off?

Jokes-Tips-Advice After a painful visit to the dentist this morning I couldn’t eat my jacket potato for lunch today.
“Did you have a filling?”
“Cheese and beans”

Jokes-Tips-Advice I was in McDonald’s yesterday and saw a bloke kissing his Big Mac and rubbing it on his crotch.
I said to him “Are you going to eat that?”.
He says “No, I’m lovin’ it”..

Jokes-Tips-Advice Why does Dr Pepper come in bottles?
Because his wife’s dead.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I’ll be Burger King and you’ll be McDonald’s. I’ll be having it my way and you’ll be loving it!