Jokes-Tips-Advice A customer is ordering food in an Indian restaurant.
“Waiter, what’s this Chicken Tarka?”
The waiter replies, “it’s the same as Chicken Tikka, but it’s a little ‘Otter.”

Jokes-Tips-Advice Why do packets of crisps in multipack bags have “not to be sold separately” on and a barcode?

Jokes-Tips-Advice BBQ RULES:
We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat
Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes
And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ‘ her night off ‘, and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.
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Copy from Daily Mail magazines much ?

Jokes-Tips-Advice A man in a pub sees another man standing at the bar with carrots in his ears. He walks across and asks the guy, “Excuse me, sir, but why do you have carrots in your ears?”
“Sorry, can’t hear you mate, I’ve got carrots in my ears.”

Jokes-Tips-Advice My wife’s been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can’t get the last of that ketchup out though.

Jokes-Tips-Advice My boss reckons I’m a greedy pig and he said that, if I can get through a whole day at work without mentioning biscuits, he’ll give me a hundred quid.
Nice.

Jokes-Tips-Advice Thanks for the dinner love. The bin told me it tasted lovely.

Jokes-Tips-Advice Don’t talk to me about the laws of probability. I opened a tin of Alphabetti Spaghetti for lunch today, and it was filled entirely with letter ‘o’s. The odds against that happening must be astronomical.