Jokes-Tips-Advice I tried to genetically change an Apple, but it all went pear shaped.

Jokes-Tips-Advice My wife’s on a new diet where she only eats fruit and my house is full of the stuff.
It’s enough to make a mango crazy.

Jokes-Tips-Advice What are cheese puffs made of?
Wotsit matter?

Jokes-Tips-Advice Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
All that’s left is debrie

Jokes-Tips-Advice When getting my lunch from Greggs, I always prefer a vegetarian option containing no meat.
The steak bake usually does it.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I was on the bus today, struggling with a crossword. When a drunk man came up to me and said you know 7up is lemonade.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I burnt 600 calories last night.
Left my pizza in the oven for too long.

Jokes-Tips-Advice The wife woke me up earlier, she said “Get up love, I’ve brought you a McDonald’s home!”
“Is it warm?” I asked. “I am not eating a cold McDonald’s.”
“No love, you want me to stick it in the microwave for you?”
They just don’t taste the same heated up later on.
Probably the worst McFlurry I’ve ever had.