Jokes-Tips-Advice Have you ever stopped to think who actually tries dog food to know it has a “newly improved flavour”?

Jokes-Tips-Advice I asked my local butcher if his lamb was any good.
He said I’d never get better.
He was right. I’ve contracted amebic dysentry and life threatening toxoplasmosis.

Jokes-Tips-Advice As I opened the second bottle of brandy I started to think seriously about what I was doing to my liver.
Then I realised I was frying it with onions.

Jokes-Tips-Advice A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.”

Jokes-Tips-Advice I’ve been drink driving for years now and have never been pulled over. In fact cars tend to get out of my way.
I love working in my ambulance.

Jokes-Tips-Advice Just looked at the label on a packet of ham i bought, it read ‘70% water’. Surely then it’s ham flavoured water.

Jokes-Tips-Advice My best friend would have been competing in the Olympic games but he tested positive for two types of steroids and a synthetic growth hormone.
It’s his own fault really, I did tell him to stop eating burgers from McDonald’s.

Jokes-Tips-Advice Welcome to the church of vegetables
Lettuce pray.