Jokes-Tips-Advice I now realise why It’s not ideal to eat ice cream while using a laptop.
I was talkng to my sister online and she asked me why I was typing so slowly,
so I replied, ‘well my other hands busy;
She hasn’t replied yet.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I bought a ”Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine” to lose weight.
I put on five stone.
I blame the delicious gravy it makes.

Jokes-Tips-Advice My friends don’t understand why I’ve given up boozing. I’ve told them it’s because I want to feel more motivated. I mean, Hitler was teetotal and look at what he achieved.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I’m just a social drinker. Every time someone says, “I’ll have a drink”, I say, “Social I.”

Jokes-Tips-Advice “This tastes burnt!” I grimaced as I put my fork down in disgust.
“That’s not burnt, it’s caramelised.” insisted my wife.
“It’s supposed to be a salad.”

Jokes-Tips-Advice Just seen a billboard poster proclaiming that Hovis has been voted “Britain’s softest White”.
Now correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that Ricky Hatton?

Jokes-Tips-Advice Did you hear about the guy who drowned in a bowl of Muesli?
He was dragged under by a strong current.

Jokes-Tips-Advice I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder.
She just so happened to build hers using chips.